Renegade Mover
Friday, April 11th, 200810 things to remember before the removals van comes - or how to not stay friends with your soon to be ex neighbours
1. Pack the cat, or leave the little vicious creature behind.
2. Wear clean undies, you new house will notice, or you might get hit by the removal van.
3. Give the postman a leaving present (wink wink). Or the milkman, you choose but don’t be over generous
4. Set fire to your neighbours fence, the one you don’t like obviously, claim it’s an accident.
5. Leave a note for the new people, claim the house is haunted and you couldn’t stand it any longer.
6. Remember your stash from under the floorboard in the cupboard. No explanation required.
7. Deliberately over stuff the bin, even though collection isn’t until next week.
8. Remove all the light bulbs; the person in your new house might have done the same.
9. Stand naked in your garden, it might be the last chance you get. Alternatively, put out the wheelie bin with just a kitchen apron on.
10. Infest the garden pond with something that will eat the fist, i.e. a crocodile. If no crocodile available, buy a piranha or a shark from the local pet store. Set up a hidden video camera.